Saturday, Feb. 6

Still learning a lot of new things and trying to reframe this journey and give myself credit for all that I've learnt since the fall. Portions, calories, timing of food.
One thing that definitely is an easy way to manage over-eating and calories is fitness. I normally am at the gym 3-5 week but since the fall I've dropped it to less because of team sports and being... well... lame. Now I'm down to even less. When I'm in a bootcamp or into training for something I do really well with 5-6 times a week.
The simple solution is get back into it, 5 days a week, 50-60 of cardio at a time. I have no problem with this, it's my preferred lifestyle. But, now, I'm so BORED with the gym! Decided to not train for the half marathon in the spring (too much time commitment) and am so bored at the gym. I would prefer to not spend a lot of money on bootcamp so I guess I could do somethings different:
- try many of the group fitness classes at the gym
- train for a 10 km but focus on the fastest time ever
- go back to running outside as it's easier to run than the gym
- run with the Running Room on Sundays
- maybe some new gym outfits!
- using a schedule again to track how many days I work out in a week (and put it on the fridge like I used to do)


That's about all I can think about that doesn't cost any more money and will interest me.

This week coming up I'm on holiday so want to focus on eating smart a restaurants and getting lots of walking in. Enjoying good, healthy food in California!

Not doing good

Today was total binge - 1000 calories of chocolate, 3 bags of chips, coolwhip. Not good. Can't say I even enjoyed the taste of any of it. Well, the chips were tasty, but I was so full.
The longest I've made it so far is 3 days.
Well, if it's like quitting smoking it's going to be ROUGH. It will suck. Battling an addiction on many levels: physical, emotional, cultural.
I know I can do this. It's hard and I want to go back to my old ways but I'm not going to. Yes, this is going to be hard but it's worth it. Sick of being addicted to food. Goal: eat when I need to, when I'm hungry. For nutrition. Not for all the other reasons: habit, stress, fear, loneliness, happiness, socialization with friends, celebrations, enjoyment.
Note to me: this time next month you will have had a longer stretches on non-compulsive eating. Check out a meeting already :)

Trigger?

Seems like the nights I don't go the gym, or get out of the house, are nights I end up compulsive eating. Or really, really struggling not to, but 95% of the time I give in.
It started with having a happy day and just finished a great meal (all healthy choices decided upon last night) with a friend over lunch. Went back to the office and BAM! Bought two chocolate chips cookies. Then didn't go the gym (sort of knew I wasn't going to make it earlier today), then a healthy dinner, then extra bread, coolwhip, 2 cups cereal. None of this I needed.
I wasn't hungry for food, I had a filling dinner.
Something else was going on. Some feeling ??? not sure what??? is driving me to compulsive eat. It's taken all my effort to not go out and get a bag of chips and choc. bar.
I did weight myself today even though I had committed to myself that I was done with that. And of course, I hadn't lost any but I did feel ok about it. Strange. I did for the first half of the day. Still do now. More just mad that I weighted when I said I wasn't.
I compulsive eat when I'm happy, and also when I let myself down. Down for weighting, then the chips, then a spiral.
Gotta get to a meeting, I can see why I need group support to deal with this.