I made it three days without responding to "my addiction". I've been reading Overeaters Anonymous (OA) blogs and two of their books, and this fits me to a t.
I admit I have a problem that a diet or restrictive plans can't solve, and that any amount of will power can help. I pride myself on having very strong ability to meet the majority of my goals in life and many of them have been long term that require a lot of work and dedication. Which is why not being able to lose/maintain weight has really hurt my self-esteem because I feel like I keep letting myself down.
Based on what I understand about OA so far is that the first step is to admit I have a problem and surrender my power over that.
I really like what OA is saying and it makes sense to me like nothing else does.
After reflection on this, I ready to say that yes, I do have a problem with compulsive overeating and food is my addiction. I want to break free of the obsession with food, calories, body image, counting calories... I want to be addiction free. And not feel like I'm "bad" or "good" depending on what I eat that day.
I have a food plan that I will stick to and indulging in "treats" or unexpected food is a slip off the wagon and feeding the addiction. I realize all addictions are two steps forward and one step back and I accept there is a cycle and I'm going to slip up at some point. It's part of the process.
I had 3 days "sober" and yesterday a.m. because of a scheduling nightmare and a migraine, I bought a box of smarties and ate it. This time, I didn't feel like a "bad" person and learnt from it that those situations are my triggers and need to watch out for them. The rest of the day I stuck to my food plan and success in a social situation with the bar and food I stuck with the plan.
Goal is to attend an OA meeting soon.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Made it!
Last night I made it two days without straying from the plan. So proud of myself to not have wings with the team, and it didn't kill like it usually does. Before, I'd be "good" but the next day do really bad just to make up for missing that "treat".
I am a food addict and I do not want to be a slave to the addiction anymore.
Tonight is a challenge to stay home, not do anything but relax, and not mindless eat. Also, feeling some emotions of stress and I'll work thru them, rather than eat them down. Food will not make me feel less tired, or solve my stress, or financially help me.
Feeding the dragon only makes it stronger.
Today will be day three addiction free!
I am a food addict and I do not want to be a slave to the addiction anymore.
Tonight is a challenge to stay home, not do anything but relax, and not mindless eat. Also, feeling some emotions of stress and I'll work thru them, rather than eat them down. Food will not make me feel less tired, or solve my stress, or financially help me.
Feeding the dragon only makes it stronger.
Today will be day three addiction free!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Almost made it two days
But the day isn't over yet! If I don't have any cheats tonight, it'll be two days in a row.
Read on bitchcakes blog last night, "it's not what you eat, it's WHY you eat". Thinking about how that relates to my life.
Read on bitchcakes blog last night, "it's not what you eat, it's WHY you eat". Thinking about how that relates to my life.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Couldn't make it two days...
Without "cheating". Did well on day one of a work course with free lunch. Said no to all desserts and snacks. Day two was planning on doing the same, but then WHAM! Out of no where had two desserts. The unexpected cheats are harder to deal with. A craving is one thing, but something so unexpected and unplanned it's what getting me every time.
I think I was bored with the class and stressed about missing work.
Well, today I said no to free muffins and goodies at a meeting, so I'm back to Day One. By not cheating tomorrow - day two. This would be a big deal. I haven't gone two days in a row in over a year.
I'm looking at food like an addiction and I remember how hard and difficult quitting smoking was. Food is the same: cravings and unexpected slip ups. But, it took me 2.5 years to successfully quit smoking so this is no different. Maybe harder because it's socially acceptable.
Next log in will be day two or three of no addictions.
I think I was bored with the class and stressed about missing work.
Well, today I said no to free muffins and goodies at a meeting, so I'm back to Day One. By not cheating tomorrow - day two. This would be a big deal. I haven't gone two days in a row in over a year.
I'm looking at food like an addiction and I remember how hard and difficult quitting smoking was. Food is the same: cravings and unexpected slip ups. But, it took me 2.5 years to successfully quit smoking so this is no different. Maybe harder because it's socially acceptable.
Next log in will be day two or three of no addictions.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
First posting
In the last six months, I've tried a variety of "things" to help me lose the weight. I tried sparkpeople, then a personal weight coach, and now I'm back to the basics - just me.
I did WW when I was in junior and senior high (20 some years ago), but it's not the right program for me at this point in my life.
I lost the weight about 10 years ago through hard word and patience, but over the last 6 years it's been creeping up.
I want to use this blog as a way to diarize my challenges and success.
Tired of setting goals for losing weight.
I did WW when I was in junior and senior high (20 some years ago), but it's not the right program for me at this point in my life.
I lost the weight about 10 years ago through hard word and patience, but over the last 6 years it's been creeping up.
I want to use this blog as a way to diarize my challenges and success.
Tired of setting goals for losing weight.
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